A VC in Vacationland

I have been in a number of "knock-down-drag-out" fights in my life.  Not literally, except for the kid I tried to beat up in Junior High for dissing me in front of a potential girlfriend.  That was a big mistake. And I still have a very short temper as my CFO and others can testify.

But I have been in a number of figurative KDDO’s in my business life.  Some of them have been very unpleasant and ended up with a terminated friendship or relationship.  That was always unfortunate as I believe you never really get out of someone’s life, especially in business.

I do see a number of KDDO brawls in my portfolio companies, sometimes over important things and sometimes over stupid ones. I try and get the people to follow the simple rule–fight for what you believe, but remember that you should be friends when it is over. 

When I was in consulting, the partners at Andersen Consulting/Accenture would engage in brutal fights over what was the right thing to do for a client, whether to promote someone, how to run a practice, or whatever.  I never remember hating someone after, or even feeling upset if I lost the brawl.  Why?  I respected my partners and what they believed, even if it differed from what I thought what was right.  We would then go out and have a beer and get on with life.  No one questioned the decision, or brought it up later.  We went onward, and usually upwards.

How can you fight fairly in business and still be friends?

First, remember the Three Musketeers–one for all and all for one.  In a start up, there are incredible stresses, but you all must work together to make it successful.  Fighting over stupid things, going off and sulking, or worse, bitching to anyone who will listen is a good way to bring down the show. Have your fight, make a decision and get on with surviving all the other challenges that really matter–competitors, marketplaces, and money shortages for starters.

Second, fight fair. I know, every marriage counseling book suggests this, but it’s true. No bringing up that "old boyfriend", or in this case, an episode where one of your business partners messed up a while ago.  Stick to the issues and use the fight to reach a resolution, not an impasse.

Finally, don’t leave respect at home.  NFL linemen try to rip opponent’s heads off for 60 minutes each week, but end up hugging each other at the end of the game (at least many of them).  Why?  They have a job to do, but they respect the other guy across the line.  You cannot survive all by yourself and you do need the rest of the team to make your start up happen.  Showing no respect is the fastest way to get no respect from others.

All this sounds simple, but in the heat of battles, simple is often very hard to remember.  Take that deep breath and think before you open your mouth.  It can save you a lot of heartache in the long run.